


Competitionship

by ToxicTrashRat



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Amusement Parks, Blind Date, But it’s a joke, Competition, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, First Dates, He def has a blog, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Kidnapping, Light is right at that cusp, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Injuries, Multi, Near and Mello are Gen Z, Near probably had a tumblr account, Stupidity, Swearing, a tired millenial, and L is like, but from me the author, crackfic, meme humor, not the characters, okay maybe sometimes from the characters, they understand shitpost humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:30:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25460152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicTrashRat/pseuds/ToxicTrashRat
Summary: Near and Mello set up a little competition to see who can set up L and his new coworker, Light.Requested by Dusty.
Relationships: L & Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light, Mello | Mihael Keehl & Near | Nate River, Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River
Comments: 6
Kudos: 83





	Competitionship

Near idly solved his Rubik’s cube again. L sat next to him with a cup of tea, pondering over some things.

”So your latest case- it’s what again?” Near asked, clicking and sliding the blue column into it’s proper place.

”You don’t need to hear it again. I know you remember the details.” L looked pointedly at the doll setup Near had next to him.

”Then tell me about the people you’re working with.” Near said. He glanced up at his role-model and noticed the pause in L. Near had already played this dance many times, and L _still_ refused to answer.

”That’s non-crucial information.” L said dully. Near squinted at him. L was _definitely_ hiding something. He was sure of it. But what?

Something with coworkers. An event? That might be something he wouldn’t want outsiders to attend. But if Near knew that L knew that if L asked, Near wouldn’t attend. And he wasn’t the type to crash parties (unlike his very bratty boyfriend of his).

Did something happen at work? Unless it was particularly gory or brutal, he didn’t normally hide things from Near. The last time, and only time he’d ever lied to him was a case six years ago when Near was still thirteen and L had said that he was working on a drug ring instead of a serial killer who brutalized his victims to keep Near from seeing the photos of the bodies. But L was avoiding saying _anything_ , which wasn’t like him.

Would Near recognize names or descriptions? He didn’t recall anything terrible happening within the last three weeks, and Near was older now. He’d handled cases more gruesome than the ones L had tried to protect him from when he was a child.

L was open about people he disliked, even hated. Which meant that wasn’t bothering him.

So what about the other end of the spectrum? L was open about people he disliked, but what if there was someone he had taken _too_ much of a liking to? But Near wouldn’t see the point in hiding from him. He wouldn’t ridicule him the way Mello would, or say anything to upset him. If anything, he’d be happy and a listening ear, or offer L advice if he could. That didn’t quite make sense either, but right now it was the best Near had.

”I suppose it is.” Near set down his Rubik’s cube and laid down on the floor. He picked up his dolls and started reorganizing them.

”Hey Near. L.” Mello strode into the room and sat down next to Near.

”Mello, what’s your reason for being here?” L asked. Mello scowled.

”Well that’s fucking rude. Near, what’s got his panties in a twist?” Mello asked. Near shifted to compare the various members to L’s doll. None of them quite fit with him, and his alabaster wood and ebony paint.

”No clue. Why don’t you ask him?” Near said, studying each toy. None seemed to fit with what he remembered L saying about them or any photos he’d gotten his hands on.

”L, what has your panties in a twist?” Mello asked. He picked up Near’s cube and began fiddling with it.

”Nothing.” L lied. Mello stopped mid-turn and looked L dead in the eyes. They stared at each other until Near switched sitting position’s again, mirroring L’s hunched stance.

”Near, can I talk with you real quick?” Mello asked, sounding far off. Near stood up and they walked out together, Near holding the L figure.

”Something’s up.”

”He’s got something about his coworkers, and while I can’t think of anything with the current ones-“ Near started.

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any qualms with anyone else.” Mello finished.

“It might not be a qualm, Mels.”

”Well then what could it be?”

”... It’s just a theory, but I think he may have an... affinity for one of his coworkers. He never hides things from us, especially when it comes to work.” Near says. Mello’s eyes go wide and starry, the way he always does when he has either really good or really bad ideas, and he rubs his hands together like a mad genius.

”Well, then let’s put that theory to the test, shall we?” Mello asks. Near looks at his doll, and decides that before this goes down, it needs a makeover.

-

“Okay, I’ve set up the cameras in his office, we should be seeing them show up to work... now!” Mello says, and right on cue, three men walk in. L is already there, sitting in a chair scrolling through something on a computer.

”Hey L! Any new updates?” Aizawa asks. Near notes that the audio is not the best quality.

”Shoulda got better cameras, the audio’s grainy as fuck...” Mello mutters under his breath.

”No not today.” L says, still scrolling.

”Anything we can work on?” Aizawa asks again.

”Goddamnit Aizawa, shut up so I can see how other talk to him!” Mello says at the screen.

”Be quieter or we might miss something.” Near soothes, putting a hand on Mello’s arm.

”You can work on sorting out these files Aizawa.” L vaguely points to some files on the desk next to him.

”What about the rest of us?” A brunet asks. Near leans closer to the television, but he doesn’t quite recognize the voice. He looks similar to another person who he’s already made a doll of, but his voice is much more feminine.

”Light, I’d like to run over some evidence and see what you make of it.” L says. ‘Light’ walks over.

”Who the hell is this?” Mello pontificates. Near glances at him from the side to see his Toblerone half-opened, forgotten.

Matsuda pipes up, “What can I help with L?” His tone is excited.

”Right now? Hmmm... you can get me another cup of tea from Watari. He’s in the room just down the hall.” L says. Matsuda droops, and just shuffles down the hallway. Light moves in closer to lean in over L’s shoulder. L begins explaining something the mic can’t pick up.

”Seems we’ve got our first suspect.” Near thumbs his hair, smiling. “Look at how far L’s leaning towards him.” Mello nodded in Near’s periphery. They agreed that this was probably more than a suspect.

Light and L stay in that spot for a few minutes exchanging words.

“Hey Near. Looks like it might be mutual!” Mello giggled, taking a nip from his chocolate. “Look how much Light’s leaning in.” Near leaned closer to the screen. Light was indeed, leaning _very_ close to L. And even through the shitty grainy footage, Near could see the natural path Light’s spine should follow, which was crooked and bent to be as close to L as possible.

”That could be due to him needing to look at the computer.”

”Near, get your ass off the ground. Nobody needs to _be_ that close!” And Light was still leaning in closer it appeared, even through the pixelated television. L started speaking to Light, though Near couldn’t discern what he was saying.

”...I suppose that makes sense. We’ll have to keep watching though.” Near said.

”I think you might be right about the killer being from Ukraine.” Light said from the TV. He faced L and smiled, and L looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

”...Yes, that’s why I told you. We both came to the same conclusion separately, meaning that theory is twice as strong.”

”So then... we should make a move next, right? I’m sure you’ve got some elaborate plan.” Light says. L silently eats another wafer, and dismisses him. It’s too grainy to see what Light’s reaction is.

”Near, I’ve seen enough. He probably likes Light. Let’s just go crash his workplace and see if Light feels the same.” Mello turned to Near, done watching their awkwardly intimate interactions.

”Mello, if you’re wrong there’s a good chance Light will never talk to L again if we put that kind of pressure on him. We don’t even know if he likes men. And that doesn’t even cover what L will feel about all of this.”

”But what if I’m right?” Mello argued.

”Beyond a reasonable doubt Mello. Any chance is still chance.” Near said.

”Okay, fine. We don’t go in there and spit it out or scream it in their faces. But we should talk to him. I’m going to find out what he thinks of L.”

”You’re going to leave me out of the fun?” Near smiled up at Mello from the floor. Mello bent down towards Near.

“Near, you’ll have to keep up if you want to ‘join in on the fun’. But I’m going to beat you to it, y’know.” Mello said, leaning in close to Near’s face. Mello’s breath was sweet, chocolate scented. Near’s smelled like mouthwash.

”Beat me to what? We should at least be clear on where the finish line is.”

”Whoever gets them together. Directly. No ‘I started the conversation between them and left them alone and then they started dating or fucking or whatever.’” Near ignored the obscenities.

”So it’s a competition Mello?” Near said, rising to meet Mello’s gaze. He blinked and Mello kissed him on the lips.

”Always. I’ll be waiting for you at the finish line.” Mello said tenderly. And then he was leaving, off to find Light and question him.

-

“So Light.” Mello said through the microphone and voice changer.

”Who are you? How do you know my name?” Light said from the chair. Mello smiled, though Light couldn’t see it through his blindfold. Light struggled against the bonds tying him to the chair.

”That’s not important. I’m here to ask a few questions. Answer completely and truthfully, and you’ll be set free. If at any point I feel you’re holding back or lying to me, there’ll be consequences.” Mello clicked the off button and giggled. This was going to be easy! He just wished he’d set actual stakes with Near. Mello’d probably do that next time he saw him. “Who do you work with?”

”I work with-“ Light seemed to be fighting something internally, like he didn’t want to give up their names. “I work with Taro Matsui, Aihara, and Yonjuro Asahi.” Mello scowled.

”You’re missing one. And those aren’t their names.” Mello boomed through the speaker, though to Light it sounded more like a wavering deep alien. “That was a test. Do better next time. What are their real names?”

”I work with Touta Matsuda, Shuichi Aizawa, and Soichiro Yagami. I also work with someone named L.”

”The L?” Mello prompted. Light mouth contorted into wry frown.

“Yes- the L. Was that satisfactory?”

”Tell me about each of them.” A confused noise sounded from the speaker. Mello knew that if he was working with L, he must at least know this wasn’t a standard interrogation. Perhaps it would even throw him off guard enough for Mello to get his answer on the voice recorder he’d planted in the room.

”Matsuda isn’t very bright. He’s lax to notice patterns. He’s always hopeful and optimistic, never seems down for more than a few minutes. Aizawa is very tempered and down to Earth. He pays attention to what’s in front of him and doesn’t let anyone boss him around. Including his boss. Yagami is older, and incredibly wise. He’s sharp, fair, and mild-tempered.” Light stops.

Mello waits for him to continue, but bores of that after two seconds. “You’re missing one. Your reluctance to say anything is working against you.” He let the unsaid threat drip from his tongue like honeyed cyanide. His silence said more than his confessions.

”L is incredibly smart. He notices everything, second guesses every piece of evidence he’s handed, and then questions the explanation. He doesn’t care about whether he looks like a madman or acts the part.” Light said. It seemed like there was something else on the tip of his tongue.

”How do you feel about each of your coworkers?” Light seemed intensely confused now, the look almost saying, ‘ _L has never prepared me for something this odd. What the hell is this guy after?’_

“Matsuda is entertaining and useful, but can be annoying. Aizawa is too rude, acting like he’s above the way L does things. Yagami gets overwhelmed by emotion, and sometimes does things without thinking. L is intelligent and calculating, always three steps ahead of everybody else. He is very good at predicting how people will act next, once he gets a good read on them.”

“Yes... describe this ‘L’ a bit more.” It looked like Light had come to a conclusion.

”Mello, what are you doing?” Near said from behind Mello’s chair. Luckily, the mic wasn’t on.

”What the hell do you want with L?!” Light shouted from the room below. He seemed to be getting more upset by the second. This was no good, emotional suspects usually never said anything useful unless they were utterly stupid. And if L had any interest in him, Light wasn’t stupid.

 _Fuck_.

Mello looked back at Near, who was walking towards Mello’s chair holding a stuffed bear.

”I wonder what L would think if he saw you traumatizing his crush.” Near twisted his hair, and Mello gripped the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white.

Mello turned on the audio. “Interrogation’s over.” He jabbed the off button with a finger and inhaled deeply and spun back to Near and stood up. “Just playing the game, babe.” He grinned.

”Who’s going to let him out?” Near asked. Damn, Mello was hoping he wouldn’t ask, but Near was thorough, and knew Mello’s games well.

Mello stabbed a blue button on the control board. “Richard, free ‘im.”

”Really boss? Alrighty, anything you say-“ Mello pulled off the button and Richard’s voice cut out.

”If that’s cleared up, I’d like to ask you to go on a date with me to the carnival this Thursday.” Near said, staring up into Mello’s eyes.

”You’ve never been into that kind of date before Near. Don’t you hate heights and large crowds?”

”I have other reasons for wanting to go. Answer the question Mello.” Near said.

”Of course. Now I’ve got some work to do-“ Mello lied, grinning. He pointedly ignored Near’s vague statement. If Near didn’t want him to know, he wouldn’t press for information. Not Near. He trusted him.

”Work?”

”Yep. Very important work. That cannot be ignored.” Mello shrugged, as if to add an air of nonchalance. Near saw right through it, but Mello’s intent wasn’t to deceive.

”Or what?” Near challenged.

”Keep me busy and you’ll find out.” Mello shot back, and then tossed himself back into his chair, the plush thing squeaking uncomfortably and rolling back towards his desk a few feet. Near grinned.

”Busy...” Near trailed off and hummed to himself, looking down at his plush. “What should I do Freidrich?” He asked the brown bear. The bear’s beady black eyes stares into the wall to the left of Mello. “You think I should eat lunch with Mello? That sounds the a great idea Friedrich!” Near exclaimed, and quickly shuffled out of the room with a cute “be back soon” to Mello. The door closed behind him.

”God I love that fucking dork so goddamn much.” Mello said to himself.

-

It was the night of their date, and Mello had put on what he believed and what Near had validated as his sexiest and hottest outfit. Then again, Near didn’t particularly care what Mello wore, it was all cloth to him. He’d chosen red, shiny, leather pants that rode up his ass like a M O T H E R F U C K E R but made him look hotter than the sun. He paired this with a short sleeve white button up.

He met Near out in the hall, who dressed the way Near normally dressed, except he was wearing fuzzy slippers and Mello’s fur-lined red jacket.

”So that’s where that’s been!” Mello said, and Near smiled, running his fingers through the soft faux fur around the hood. “Ready to go?”

”Mmm, not yet. Still waiting for something.” Near said, checking the clock. “It’ll be here soon.” Mello was puzzled for a second, then it dawned on him. He didn’t mean-

“Apologies for being late.” L said, shuffling around the corner in a pair of slides. Mello sighed.

Yep, that’s exactly what he meant.

”Hello, something.” Mello rolled his eyes. Near smiled mischievously.

-

Near was up to something. While Mello drove to the carnival (without directions, mind you) Near had decided to drop another bomb.

”We’ll be meeting another person there. I invited a group of people to go, but the rest cancelled last minute.” Near said, though Mello knew from the second Near started messing with the fur around the hood of his jacket that Near was up to something, and he did not like it one bit. Near looked normal, but sounded smug, like he was about to gain the lead in their game. No way in _hell_ was Mello letting that happen.

”So who’s this other person?” Mello asked.

”I’d like to keep it a mystery.” Near said, quirking his brow.

L looked on at their exchange in the center mirror of the car. He had never understood their interactions, or games for that matter. But this was the only one that had worried him so far.

-

When they arrived, Mello bought their tickets and stayed on L watch while Near searched for this mystery person. After he’d paid for three tickets (three adult tickets, mystery would have to pay for themself), Near was coming back, dragging someone along with them.

Mello gapes as _Light_ paid for his ticket and walked through the turnstile.

“Near, I’d like to speak to you. Over there. By the turnstiles.” L’s eye twitched.

”Of course L.” And the two walked over to where L thought he’d be inaudible to the others.

Which left Mello and Light all alone.

”Hey, I don’t think I introduced myself before. My name’s Light.” He held out a hand, and Mello swatted it away.

”Yeah yeah. So who invited you again?” Mello asked.

”...Near did.” Light eyed him up and down, like he was sizing an opponent in boxing. “What’s your name?” He asked, all charming and pretty. It irritated Mello for some reason. No wonder L fell for this guy, if Mello were single he’d already be offering to buy him as many drinks as it took to get Mello out of his leather and into Light’s dress pants.

But he loved Near, and wasn’t going to betray his trust like that. He was just illustrating a point (well two actually. One, Light was handsome. Two, before he committed to Near, Mello was a whore.)

”Mello. Say, what do you say we go see what they’re up to and then grab some cotton candy?” Mello was going to be as neutral a force as possible. If Near won, he won. But Mello could very easily ruin Near’s plan with a single conversation. A single sentence, maybe. He wanted to win (or lose) fairly, not through dirty tricks. But that also meant he wasn’t going to help.

”Do you know what they’re arguing about?” Light asked. Mello fought a snicker. Of course he knew what they were arguing about. But that didn’t mean Light had to know. That would ruin the whole game.

“No clue.” Mello hurried over to make sure L didn’t commit manslaughter. Good news, Near was still among the living.

”So, want to go get some cotton candy?” Mello said, glancing at L, but still checking over Near. Near pushed him away, and nodded.

”Cotton candy sounds amazing.” Near grabbed Mello’s hand and dragged him over to the stand. “Wanna share Mello?” He asked. Mello nodded and glanced behind him to see L and Light talking and walking, but L looked very uncomfortable.

”We should save L.” Mello said.

”He can handle himself.” Near grinned, stuffing a piece of pink fluff into his mouth.

“I know what you’re up to.” Mello whispered.

”Funny, L said something very similar just a few minutes ago.” Near sassed, taking another bite. Mello pulled a piece off and tasted it. He grimaced, thinking ‘ _Yep, that‘s pure sugar. L’ll be thrilled_ ’.

L bought his (a large blue confection), and began devouring it instantly. Light watched him gobble the spun sugar, sucking his sticky fingers, and letting his tongue go blue as blue flecks of cotton flew everything

Mello and Near studied Light’s reaction. The look in his eyes was almost... adoring. Yep, if Light could stand to watch L eat and even think it was attractive, he was definitely the one for L.

”Well, what should our first ride be?” Light asked, still staring at L. L finally looked away from his cotton candy to Light.

”Mmm... how about that one?” He pointed to a tall, swing-like ride and side-eyed Near. Near swallowed and bit his tongue. L might have been forced into this, but he was going to make it as hellish for Near as possible. But seeing as how it was a two-seater, Near thought L still planned to take advantage of the situation. That’s what he’d been counting on.

”Sounds wonderful.” Near said, voice trembling slightly. So they got in line, and Near stood patiently trying not to let his nervous energy show, but as always, Mello knew.

Mello wrapped an arm around Near’s waist and slipped a hand into his coat pocket.

”So how so you all know each other?” Light asked politely.

”L’s known us since we were very young, and we lived together. We used to do cases together as well.” Near replied.

”So are you blood relatives or just family friends?”

”Haha, neither. The bastard watched Roger, who isn't related to any of us, raise us.” Mello laughed.

”Roger?” Light questioned, ignored.

”I was still formative to your earlier years. You forget that you both are the reason I know how to feed babies and change diapers.” L jabs, and Near smiles. Since L was getting to make this hellish, Near figured he may as well get under L’s skin.

”Ah now I remember. You’re the reason I have a scar on my face.” Mello quipped. L blinked offendedly.

”I’ve already waxed apologies to you. And you’re the reason I have a scar on my ankle.” L said.

”Hold on- scar? I was going to ask earlier, but thought it would be rude. And I didn’t know you had a scar L.” Light said.

“I followed L into the kitchen for some tea and when he turned around I was right there and he tripped on my foot and spilled boiling tea all over my eye.”

”You taped a knife. On the Roomba. Mello, I still have no clue why on Earth you would do that.” L responded. They moved up in the line.

”Because they needed to learn to protect us. I gave it a knife for the aesthetic. The chaotic energy. Watari didn’t know what the fuck to do afterwards. Funniest goddamn shit since sliced bread.” Mello shrugged, and Near hid his laugh behind a sweater-pawed hand.

“That’s what you said last time, but I raise you this: our Achilles?” L argued, though he wasn’t really arguing anymore. These scars had only left physical marks.

“Hey, it’s time to get on the ride now!” Near interrupted conveniently. They all quickly flashed their wristbands and began the race to their seats, Near and Mello rushing to get a view just behind L and Light. They succeeded and buckled their grey safety seatbelts.

Near kicked his feet back and forth waiting for the ride to start.

”So this is your devious plan. Make them go on a date practically shove them together.”

”I have no idea what you mean.” Near said mischievously, snickering into his hand. “So what should we do after this?”

”How about we worry about after the carnival after we’re outside the gate.”

”I mean after this ride.” Near clarified.

”Whoops, well perhaps if you’re feeling brave we can go on that one over there.” Mello pointed to a ride with the big neon words ‘the zipper’ on it. The ride was spinning, and then just switched directions. On a dime, just switched and- oh it just did it again.

”...Maybe.” Near said, and looked back at Mello and realized they were spinning. The wind rustled through Near’s wavy hair, cooling his skin. He felt content sitting next to Mello, watching the chaos in front of him. L looked like he was uncomfortable being this close to Light, though... Light looked like he was enjoying the closeness.

”I wonder what they’re talking about.” Near pondered.

”No clue. Anyways, we’re probably going to have to share that jacket later. I’m starting to get cold.”

”You can have it Mello. I wore long sleeves under so I wouldn’t be cold.”

”Always planning ahead, aren’t ya?” Mello grinned, and muttered thanks. Near flushed at the slight praise. Mello never said thank you.

”You’re welcome.”

-

After they got off the ride, they started to walk over to the ride Mello suggested to Near earlier, making conversation as they walked.

”And that’s why existence is pain.” Near finished. He felt mildly proud of his mini-rant, smiling. Light looked like Near grew another head, and L looked both concerned and like he was done with Near’s mischief he thought Near was ruining his date.

”Near, your nihilism is showing.” Mello stated.

”Oh sorry- what’s THAT?!” Near interrupted himself and pointed to a carnival game, with shotguns up front and very large, very colorful, stuffed prizes up front. There was a dragon, a teddy bear, a snake, a dog, a cat, and plenty of other neon colored stuffies.

”That looks to be a shooting game. Lets see just how good a shot I am.” Mello said, walking up to the counter.

”Huh.” L stated. “I’d prefer not to idle around while Mello plays.”

”Then don’t. Take Light and go somewhere else.” Mello said.

”Sounds good to me. Let’s go L! I wonder what other attractions they have.” Light said, grabbing L’s arm and walking away with him.

”Well that’s awfully convenient.” Near said, and Mello slapped an unknown amount of money on the counter and stated he’d like to play until he won something. The clerk said alright, and told him every three shots was a dollar and Mello nodded. He stared down the sight, and hovered his finger on the trigger, aiming at the dead center of the target and missed.

He did this twice more, only hitting the wall behind the targets. Success, if Mello defined success as hitting the nature scenery behind the three bullseyes. He didn’t.

“The aim on this thing’s cocked.” Mello muttered to himself, staring at the wall behind the targets, seeing where the paint chipped, where the plastic BBs had landed. They tended to land above the targets, slightly to the left. Mello re-aimed, this time taking into account the lack of accuracy in the shots.

He did better. He just barely managed to graze the edge of the target on the first shot, and then missed the other two. One more time, he told himself. Mello aimed again, and this time, hit two targets in the bullseye. Apparently, that was enough to get a small prize, and while it wasn’t the teddy bear taller than Near, the petite green frog the attendant handed him with his change was worth Near’s perfect little grin.

Oh, what that little smile did to him. His heart jumped as he pocketed the remaining cash and handed Near the green plush. He held it close to his chest, and looked up at Mello.

”What should we name them?” Near chirped.

”I don’t know babe, what should we name them?“

”Hmmm... slocks- socks, I meant socks.”

”I like slocks. I think it should be slocks.” Near smiled and grabbed Mello’s arm, walking to where they saw L and Light waiting in line for a carousel. Light waved and L stared at Near’s frog.

”Won something?” L asks, eyeing the frog.

”It’s name is Slock.” Near stated. L nodded in acknowledgement.

”So I- Slock? You named it Slock?” Light asked, crossing his arms. Near held Slock closer to his chest.

”Well not on purpose, but Mello liked it.” He said, glancing up at his boyfriend.

”We do have joint-custody of them.” Mello added.

”...I suppose.” Light said. “Anyways, I was talking with L earlier and was curious to get your opinion on something.”

”I see no reason why not.”

”Hit me.” They said at the same time.

”So consider this: there’s a serial murderer on the loose. They’ve killed hundreds, thousands of prison inmates and persecuted elusive criminals, killing those beyond even police hands. One day, you have the ability to either kill this murderer or let them walk free. What do you do?” Light asked.

Mello rubbed the bone of Near’s hip through the cotton material of his pants, and contemplated the various options.

”What’s the method of murder?” Mello asked.

”Axe. Bloody and physical.” Light said.

”Witnesses?” Mello asked again.

”Uh... no. I guess not.”

”And it’s a guaranteed kill?” Near asked.

”I suppose it’d be a possibility.”

”So it’s not a guarantee?”

”No, I suppose not.” Light answered.

”I’d do it. Don’t care if the guys killing criminals, he’s dead for killing anyone. And ‘justice’ systems are fucked anyways. There’s a lot of people put there who hurt others who aren’t considered criminals, and a lot of people who are in prison right bow who shouldn’t be.” Mello used his hands to make quotation marks when he said ‘justice’. Near, L, and Mello all chose not to mention Mello’s blood would likely end on this persons hands wasn’t

”Of course you’d say that.” Near stepped closer on the dirt to Mello.

”What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” Mello asked. “Okay genius, what’s your answer then?”

”I’m torn. I’d have to take a long look at that list of criminals, and I’m not sure I could physically kill someone. Maybe I’d call up this crazy and have him do it for me.“ Near poked Mello in the chest. Mello laughed and pushed Near’s hand down.

”That would take all the risks of killing. You’ve only got no witnesses for _now_.” Light added.

”Well then I’m not sure I would. Perhaps he’d notice or wake up and want revenge. It’d sure be inconvenient to get murdered.”

”Inconvenient? Leave it to Near to reduce dying to ‘inconvenience’. How about heart-breaking sadness and depression, paired with apathy as I carry your ashes in a bottle next to my rosary. How’s that for inconvenience?” Mello taunted.

“Aww, love you too.” Near squished Mello’s face.

”Gross.” L chimed in, spinning his wristband.

“Hey, don’t get salty towards us because you want a boyfriend too.” Near said. “I think I’d probably try to injure him and send an anonymous tip to the cops. I’d hope he’d get mental help for rehabilitation, though that seems to be obsolete in this situation. If not, then the default for me would be locked up for life. To me, living is a much worse punishment than death, but there seems to be a lot more room for nuance here than I think we give credit for.”

”That’s one way to put it.” Light said. “L said he’d off him too, so there’s that.”

”What about you Light?” Mello asked. “You asked us, so clearly you’ve got some complex answer for us. Out with it already.”

Light looked borderline offended. “You think I’m that narcissistic?” Mello’s face dropped, like he wasn’t expecting Light to say that.

”...Not yet.” Mello shifted closer to Near, standing hip-to-hip for comfort.

Light furrowed his brow, and then said, “The politically correct answer is that his methods are wrong, and thus killing him is right. But if you’re innocent, then there’s nothing to worry about. And then, you’re just killing someone, which is no better than the murderer.”

”So basically, he’d let a murderer walk free.” L deadpanned.

”You’d commit murder? I feel like one of these is a significantly bigger problem than the other.” Light crossed his arms.

”You’re removing someone from the Earth who would kill again. That’s saving lives.” L rebutted.

”Like I said, if you’re innocent, it shouldn’t concern you. Let them take care of everyone else. It isn’t your problem.”

”Sure Light, let them murder a group of people _selectively._ Light, that’s genocide!” L emphasized.

”It was the criminal’s choice to commit acts they knew would hurt others. That’s not gen-“

“Carousel!” Near yelled, and it was just enough to distract them from debating about morality so they could get on the ride. Near bounced over to a white horse with a blue saddle, and Mello sat next to him on a black horse with a red saddle.

Light and L ran around trying to find horses near each other, but ended up sitting on a little bench behind Near and Mello.

“I wonder if they’re still discussing that moral dilemma.”

”Probably. But let’s not worry about them now babe-“ Mello kissed Near and the carousel whirred to life, playing cheery music and beginning to spin. Near smiled at Mello under the shining light. “And let’s have fun on the ride.” Mello said, sticking his feet up on the stirrups.

”But you’re the most fun thing- person- here.” Near said. Mello smiled at that.

”Yeah... I really am, aren’t I?” Mello paused. “...Let’s go to the zipper and ferris wheel after this.” Mello said.

”Do you really want to go on the ferris wheel?” Near asked.

”No, but I thought you might want to.” Mello said. His horse was going down while Near’s went up, resulting in a triumphant increase in height over Mello. Near threw his hands up straight into the air to celebrate as his horse smoothly moved down.

And so Near compromised to go on the zipper if it meant he could go with Mello on the ferris wheel. Near enjoyed riding the horse, and the occasional comment from Mello about someone interesting he saw waiting in line or walking around the carnival.

”We should buy that Pikachu hat.” Near said.

”You can get Pikachu. I’ll buy a Charmander one.” Mello responded. “You think it’ll match my hair? Or maybe it’ll match Matt’s better.”

”I don’t think color matching matters for hats, Mels.” Near squeezed Mello’s hand, and Mello squeezed back.

”So as I was saying before we got on the ride-“ Light started. Near and Mello rolled their eyes in unison. This goddamn debate had gone on for too long.

Mello turned around and snapped at them, ”We get it, you’re madly in love with each other and Light, you are making it painfully obvious like to like to debate as foreplay! You’re book smart but so fucking street stupid!” Mello interrupted.

Light paused in place, cheeks heating and taking a step away from Mello. He covered his gasp with a hand, and looked between Mello and L.

” _What the fuck Mello_?” L asked, tone dangerous. L wasn’t asking for answers. He was telling Mello he’d gone too far. Mello‘s arm tightened around Near.

”What? You’re telling me honestly that you don’t like to debate with each other?” Mello asked.

”I think he’s more offended about the insult.” Near whispered to Mello. Mello pursed his lips and nodded.

”And also, I take back the thing about street stupidness.” Mello said.

” _You fucking better._ ” L growled.

”Why are you offended? I didn’t say a damn thing about you.“ Mello asked.

‘ _Well, there goes my original plan of remaining impartial_.’ Mello thought. At this point, Light and L would have to address what Mello had said or their relationship would get very awkward. And knowing L, he’d want to fix that immediately, because while he might not follow social cues, from what Mello had seen, Light certainly did. And that was something Mello knew L would account for.

”Near and I are going to go on the zipper and then the ferris wheel, if you two want to come along. I’d understand if you said no, but you two should still know.” Mello waited for their response.

L sighed and began walking towards the zipper line. Light followed after, and Mello and Near ambled around, resolving to buy the hats after because they were on the way to the ferris wheel and because the zipper was the worst ride to get on with a hat (according to Near, who was particular about stains and smudges).

(“You have no idea who’s touched those things or who’s been in those little seat things. They could have food or vomited!” Near insisted. Mello had laughed and said alright, but zipped his jacket pocket with the money inside for the hats.)

Waiting in line was awkward, because Mello didn’t want to further agitate things and Near didn’t want to interfere. Light and L wanted to pretend they were there all alone with each other. So they debated and argued and Near and Mello held basic conversation, but they were listening in. Eavesdropping, if you will.

”I used Sims 3 to visualize everything. There were too many all in one place, so I had everyone act out everything to see who left and where the inconsistencies were.” Light said.

”That explains how you figured out he was lying about his alcohol consumption. There were only clear drinks at that party.” L stated, keeping his gaze intent on Light and his hands in his pockets.

”Yeah. And from that, I deduced...” Light continued, moving up in line.

”And I’ve been keeping my creature blog up to date. Would you like to see the most recent post? I did a plethora of research on Atlas Moths.” Near said, pulling out his phone for Mello to read. Mello had already read it, but pretended to read it again to keep listening to Light and L talk.

”I use my animal crackers. I use the different colors for different groups and spell out different letters using the sprinkles.”

”... Is that why you make Watari buy you the multicolored animal crackers?”

“Also gummy bears and jelly beans. The colors are good to differentiate people.”

”So I’m not imagining things when you talk to yourself while arranging and holding sweets?!” Light asked, grabbing L by the shoulders.

”...Perhaps.” L stated.

”Those moths are the biggest in the world, right?” Mello asked.

”Yes. And have you see how big they are? I’d love to collect a specimen to display.” Near said, scrolling through the photos. Mello peered at them over Near’s shoulder. “Especially those antennae! Look how fuzzy and cute!” Near gushed. “And their wings are so big and majestic!” Mello made note to get Near one for his birthday. Shouldn’t be too difficult to find a dead one, it said right on Near’s blog in square little font that they live for about a week.

”I feel like they’d be heavy. That’s a lot of fur and wing Near.”

”Mhm!” He nodded. “And I just find it so interesting that they’re born without mouths. Their only purpose is reproduce, which is just so odd so me, because other butterflies and moths have mouthparts or should I say mothparts-“ Near laughed at his own joke and continued. “Did natural selection cause the ones that breed fasted to come out on top, or was there another reason? Is there no reason at all for this? There has to be, feasibly, right?” Mello sighed in contentment. He could listen to Near’s fiery, passionate rambles all day.

Near flushed, looking away from his phone to look at Mello. “Really Mels? You could listen to me all day?”

It was Mello’s turn to flush, as he said, “I said that out loud?” Mello rubbed the back of his neck and Near wrapped his arms around Mello and kissed him.

”Excuse me sirs, but you’re next in line.” The attendant (who didn’t look much older than either of them) said, gesturing to an open seat/cage they could take. Near broke away first, leaving Mello to catch up to him and sit in the ride.

They sat in the little compartment, backs flush to the padding, and Near leaned his head against Mello’s shoulder. The attendant closed the door with a loud metal clang and the ride started.

They began spinning wildly, the cage throwing Mello and Near back into the padding. Mello laughed. The began spinning faster, doing several flips.

Near was flying for a few seconds, and squawked, grabbing onto the lap bar.

”Babe, are you okay?” Mello asked.

”I’m fine.” Near said. He just wasn’t used to his insides floating. He voiced this to Mello, who nodded. The next time they spun, Mello’s raucous laughter was paired with Near’s happy giggles.

-

“That was so much fun! We should do it again!” Near said.

”What about the ferris wheel?” Mello asked. “We should try to catch it before the sun sets.” Near was touched. This was how Mello always was with him- _his_ Mello.

“Okay, ferris wheel and then the zipper again!” They waited to the side for Light and L to get off and join them. When they did, L piped up.

”Didn’t realize that you liked fast rides Near.”

”Well, not originally. But after going on the zipper with Mello, my opinion is inclined to change.” Near said. The got in line. “We should buy some food after this. And some water. I’m parched.” Near said.

”Well our options are all over there, but it’s probably mostly fast food, so if you anything else you’re out of luck Near.” Light added.

”I bought wristbands though, which means we can leave and come back if we get stamped at the exit.”

”Ah, that’s good too then.” Near said. “Good call with the wristbands Mello.” He complimented.

The gate opened, and the four sauntered towards a yellow cart, and sat inside. Mello and Near sat snuggled together, while L and Light sat with a respectable four inches between them, minus their touching knees (Near and Mello noted that L was sitting with both feet on the floor for once.)

As Near and Mello looked out at the sunset, the moment charmingly romantic. The ferris wheel began rotating slowly, the carts swinging back and forth lightly, and then they were almost at the top-

The cart stopped jarringly, throwing L and Light off their seats and Mello and Near back into theirs.

Near muttered a little ow, as he rubbed his back, and clutched Slock closer to his chest. Mello and him helped Light and L up.

”Are you okay L?” Light asked.

”Are _you_ alright Light? You hit your head pretty hard.” L grabbed Light’s chin and began inspecting the man for injuries. There was a small cut on his forehead slightly obscured by a few hairs.

”You have a scratch. Does anyone have a bandaid?” He asked.

Near rifles through the pockets of Mello’s jacket, finding their phones, the change from earlier, and a packet of tissue. He handed the tissues to L, who ripped one out and started applying pressure to Light’s wound.

”Are you sure you’re okay?” L asked.

”Head wounds always bleed a lot.” Light soothed.

”But are you absolutely positive-“

”If he wasn’t, Light would have passed out.” Near said.

“Like Near said, I wouldn’t be standing or talking if I wasn’t.”

”To all of the people on the ferris wheel, please listen up.” A voice from outside the cart sounded. “We are having some minor malfunctions, please hold on tight and do not panic. I repeat; do not panic.”

”This is bullshit! How the hell are we not supposed to panic? We’re three stories up, in a death cage!” Mello ranted. Near sat down, and patted the seat next to him for Mello.

”This isn’t the worst place to be stranded. It’s beautiful. It could be worse Mels.” Near soothed.

Mello huffed and sat down, pulling Near close like it would protect him.

L continued to dab at Light’s wound, ignoring that Light could do it himself. “So... if you could live anywhere, where would you go?” Light asked.

”Is now really the time for a personality quiz?” L asked seriously.

” _Yes_. We’re in a very stressful situation, so a little conversation might help everyone calm down.” Light said.

”There is no one place is where I’d like to settle down. I want to travel the world with the people I care about.” Mello said.

”I’m the same. I don’t really care where I go, I just want the company to be good.” Near added. “Though I do prefer quieter areas. What about you two?”

”I’d like to visit all the big cities, like Shanghai and Beijing, and Tokyo. Buenos Aires, London, New York, and Istanbul are also on the list with Toronto.” Light said.

”You certainly know enough languages to travel there.” L said, giving a rare compliment. “Light speaks four languages.” It didn’t matter that L spoke eleven, or that Near and Mello both spoke eight.

”Which languages?”

”Mandarin, Japanese, American-English, and Korean.” Light boasted. He preened at all the attention.

”Interesting.” Near said. “But L dodged the question.” He said.

”Well there aren’t many places I’d like to visit.” He said.

”I know for a fact you haven’t been to Canada or Argentina. And Russia and China are very large countries.” Mello said. “There has to be somewhere on you list you want to visit.

”Well... I’ve never been to Mars.” L said. Mello and Light laughed.

”Somewhere feasible.” Near said, suppressing a grin.

”Well... alright. I’ve always wanted to visit the Vatican and tour Italy. And visit the abandoned castles across the rolling hills of Ireland and the UK.”

”I never thought that you’d want to go there. That doesn’t seem very L-like. I thought you’d want to visit a candy factory, or some famous landmark.” Light said.

”Oh, so you’re an expert on me now?” L teased.

”Am I wrong?” Light asked Near and Mello.

”You’re- you’re-“ Near was unable to finish his sentence.

”You’re both right. L’s wants and interests are so out there it’s impossible to actually tell what he’d like most of the time. It makes gift-shopping for him a fucking nightmare.” Mello said.

”Really? I’ve never tried-“ Light started.

”I am _right_ here.” L said. Near giggled.

The ferris wheel began moving again, and this time it was Mello and Near who were thrown from their seats. L and Light helped them up.

”Seems that got resolved fairly quickly.” L commented. The ferris wheel made a few stops before the attendant unlocked their door and Mello burst out and fell.

”Mels, you’re so dramatic.” Near said, picking him up off the dirt.

“I am never going three feet above the ground ever again.” He said, winking and proving Near’s point.

”So... I don’t really feel like going on any more rides after that. How about we head home?” Light asked, dabbing his forehead, which had already begun to scab over.

”I agree with that statement.” L said, pushing his way out of the cage and deeply breathing.

”Then Near and I will make a quick stop by the little hat shop over there and then we’ll all go.” Mello said.

”No you two go ahead. We’ll catch up.” Near insisted, dragging Mello over to the shop.

”But Near-“ Mello protested confusedly. Near pulled him down so he could whisper in his ear.

”Leave them alone. I have a suspicion that they have some important things to discuss.” Near whispered, waving goodbye for now to them and rushing to the hat station. Light and L began walking to the entrance.

”I’d like one Charmander hat, one Bulbasaur hat, and one Squirtle hat.” Mello said, Near unzipping the jacket pocket and pulling out the change from earlier. Mello pulled out his black leather wallet and pulled out the remaining pence needed.

They handed the money over and took the hats, Near slipping on the blue Squirtle one and Mello put on the Charmander one. The third one was for Matt.

Mello and Near ran to catch up with them, running around a few rides. The entrance had to be around here somewhere, Near and Mello were just having ‘trouble’ finding it. Never mind that Near remembered the exact path they had taken or that Mello had a keen sense of direction and knew that the entrance was by the ticket booth which was near the arcade games. They _totally_ weren’t just running around holding hands pretending to be lost to give L and Light extra time to talk out their feelings.

Near stopped them, and skidded to a stop himself, when he pointed towards two shadows by the side of the turnstiles.

Two familiar silhouettes, leaned against the side of the building, combining into one, starting with the heads, and presumably lips.

”Well, looks like us getting lost wasn’t such a bad thing. Want to go check on them?” Mello asked, giving Near a knowing (and mischievous) look.

”And interrupt their heartfelt confession so we can get the details from L later?” Near pontificated. “You know me so well. But maybe we shouldn’t make it obvious we know just yet.“

”You wanna give Light a break?”

”You’ll have plenty of time to terrorize him later. Though you already did that earlier.” Near said. The two boys walked out in clear view of L and Light, still interlocking their fingers.

”Hey! I was just playing the game, and you didn’t set a rule against it.” Mello defended.

”Mello, kidnapping and torture is not on- hey guys!” Near said, seeing L and Light walk up from behind Mello.

”What’s this about torture?” L asked.

 _Fuck_. L probably knew from Near’s offhand comment that Mello had been the one who had kidnapped Light and tried to get a love confession out of him.

“Oh, just discussing an old case.” Mello covered, glancing at Near from the side. “Where were you guys? We’ve been here for at least a few minutes and we couldn’t find you!” Mello said, playing up the act.

”That doesn’t matter.” Light said. He looked at L, and then back to Mello. “Let’s just head home so I can bandage myself properly and we’ll grab some food on the way.” Light said.

”Now _that_ sounds like a plan I can get behind.” L responded. Light and L gazed into each other’s eyes, and Mello face palmed.

’ _I take it back, they’re both street stupid_.’ Mello thought to himself.

-

“So how do you like your new boyfriend?” Near asked the next morning. L had taken a sip of his orange juice, but spit it out onto the floor when Near bad said the word ‘boyfriend’.

”I _knew_ you were planning something.” L said.

”You’re dodging the question.” Near hummed.

”What’s this about dodging questions?” Mello popped into the room, chaotic as ever, and dressed in one of Near’s oversized shirts and black jeans.

L groaned. “Fine. We’re dating. Light and I are boyfriends. I am dating Light. He is dating me. We are dating each other. Happy?” He poured more orange juice and took another sip.

”Yes. But I have one question.” Mello asked. “Who do you think got you two together in end?”

”YOU TURNED THIS INTO A COMPETITION?” L screamed. He threw back his head and chugged his orange juice and then slammed the cup on the counter. His eyes were furious.

”Run.” Near said, and they both took off.

’ _It was so worth it to see the look on L’s face...’_

**Author's Note:**

> Send me comments! I always want to get better, so constructive criticism would be much appreciated.


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